Mary Had A Lamb



When going through my parent's belongings, I often find it easier to bring some of the items home, and then look through them.  When I find a free minute or two throughout the week, I'll sort through the papers/pictures/letters,etc.  Today I found the following poem in an envelope my mother had marked "keep". 



Just another testament of who my mother was and what she stood for.



Mother Load!!

Last week one day I decided it was time to tackle the large chest freezer in Mom and Dad's garage. After Mom passed away Dad and I went through each room in the house and the basement. Part of our cleaning was to get rid of all old food, and organize what was left. We kept meaning to get to the outside freezer, but never did. Mom always did lots of canning and freezing. Last summer Dad did a little freezing of his own, mostly strawberries. I cleaned out the freezer, throwing away frozen fruits and vegetables that no longer looked edible. In my search for expired foods I hit the mother load...
a container of Mom's homemade chocolate chip cookies!! She probably baked and froze them about twenty one or twenty two months ago. I'm going to suggest we eat them during our family picnic the beginning of next month. Freezer burnt cookies can't hurt, can they?

In Honor of Mom

Friends of my mother from her church gave a "Summersweet" bush as a gift to be planted at the church in my mother's honor. The original plant was brought to the church on the day of Mom's funeral, but it died. The Stremmels took it back to the nursery where they bought it and exchanged it for another one. We were suppose to plant it during Sunday School hour on the day of Mom and Dad's wedding anniversary as part of their church service, but it was raining so hard that morning that we had to put it off until the following Wednesday, August 5th. Family that could, gathered at The Gettysburg Church of the Brethren to once again honor my mother.
Mr. Stremmel digs the hole for the bush.

Dad helps fill in dirt around the plant.

This is my oldest brother Mike giving it some water.

Dad with Mr. and Mrs. Stremmel.

I emailed this picture to the church secretary and it was then put in their September newsletter. Dad says the plant has already made significant growth since it's planting. We hope to one day place a plaque next to it.

At our little service, Mrs. Stremmel talked about when she first met my mother. They were new at church and Mom was in charge of gathering home baked cookies for a large church event. Mrs. Stremmel approached my mother and asked what kind of cookies were needed. Mom acted so overjoyed that Mrs. Stremmel was willing to help. My mother also invited Mrs. Stremmel to come with our family to the Mother/Daughter Banquets. She just felt like my mother went out of her way to see that Mrs. Stremmel was included and felt loved.

The day we buried Mom

Because Mom's funeral was on a Saturday, and because her burial site is nearly two hours from Gettysburg, in Mohrsville, PA, we had to have the burial on Monday, July 27th. We tried doing everything in one day, but it just wasn't going to work. Unfortunately for Brady, he had to leave for Scout camp the morning of Mom's burial so he wasn't able to help as pallbearer that day, and he missed the service.

The burial service was attending by immediate family, a few friends from Gettysburg who were unable to make the funeral service, and relatives from the Mohrsville area.

The minister at Mom and Dad's church is awesome! He just became their pastor one month before Mom became ill. He was so diligent in visiting Mom, counseled with my father, was always available in whatever capacity he was needed. I know Pastor Karl was sent to the Gettysburg Church of the Brethren at this time, just the right time, just the right man to help my family. Here he is getting ready to start the service.

Dale played two hymns on his fiddle at the burial service, "In the Garden" and "How Great Thou Art". I know Mom was smiling!

Sitting from left to right: My Dad, Mom's sister Mary Lou and Dad's sister Anna.

Kaden holds a rose from Nana's flower arrangement.

Since we traveled so far, we might as well stay and watch the whole process.

The lid to Mom's vault.

This is also the burial site for my Dad's parents, now my mother, and some day my father.

Mitch (My brother Tim's oldest son.)
Some of the grandchildren took the opportunity to shovel ground onto Mom's grave. It's like Dad said, "This is something the grandchildren will always remember."

Kenzie

Bryson

Avery

Kaden, with a little help!

Immediate family that attended the burial, standing in front of my great grandparent's tombstone.

After the service, we stopped on the way home to enjoy a meal together.

Aunt Mary Lou tells stories of Mom and their family.

Avery and Bryson were being themselves and had to act goofy in the restaurant. I think Mom would have laughed along with them!

Another beautiful service for a beautiful person, my mother.

Back to that all too familiar place -- the ER

Mom was taken by ambulance to the ER again today. The home called Dad to let him know that they wanted to call the ambulance. Dad told them he would be right over. His intention was to see for himself how sick she was and then make that decision. The head nurse didn't wait, and had already called 911. Mom was having unbearable pain. Dad, Kaden and I got to the ER shortly after Mom did. That was the worst pain I've ever seen her in. This would have been around 10:45 am. I had to leave at noon because I had a meeting at the school with Avery and Bryson's teachers. At noon she was still in as much pain! They were just giving her a second dose of pain medication through her IV as I was leaving. Dad called my house later in the afternoon to say she was back at the nursing home. All other tests came out fine. There was no need for her to stay at the hospital. Her pain meds have now been doubled at the home. She will likely be sleeping much more now, more doped up to control the pain. Dad and I were on the phone earlier this evening trying come up with ideas of how to have someone be with her over each meal time so she'll actually eat. Dad fed her supper and she dosed between each bite. He doesn't know that he can be there everyday for all three meals. We'll try to get help from their church. They've been offering to help. The time has come to take them up on their offers. Our main goal is now managing Mom's pain. I'm so wishing this pain and suffering would end for her.

Shocking improvement

Yesterday and today were good days for my mother. Sunday afternoon her niece (Janet) and family came to visit and stayed an hour and a half. Mom was awake the entire time and spoke often. Dad was trying to think of a quartet that he and Mom really like. It's been years since they've heard them perform. Dad couldn't think of the name, but right away, Mom knew! Dad was with her most of the day. He said she never complained about pain until evening. She was alert and lucid enough to tell the nurse that she DOES want resuscitated. She told Dad, "I want to live. I've been here before (meaning sick), and I've gotten better." We have decided that if Mom is coherent, and can make the decisions for herself, then we must abide by those wishes. If she gets sick, and chances are she will, she will likely ask to be taken to the hospital.

Today I was in twice. The first time she asked for clothes, she wanted to get dressed. They took her to physical therapy today and later she was scheduled for occupational therapy. She is still confused about where she is. When I first arrived she asked, "Did you have trouble finding the place?" I said, "You mean this place?" "Yes" she replied. I grew up only a mile from the Lutheran Home and I've been there numerous times so I knew she wasn't' sure where she was, so I asked her. She told me "New Oxford community". I told her she was at the Lutheran Home. Later when asked about where she was by the speech pathologist, Mom gave the same reply. We then told her again were she is. Then the SP asked what town the Lutheran Home is in, and Mom said New Oxford. (It's in Gettysburg) So, still some confusion.

I went home to Dad's and he and I got her clothes together. When we went back over to the home Mom was feeding herself -- NO HELP! Wow! Yesterday and today she ate a great deal more than she had been. We are trying not to get our hopes up, but it is good to see her improving and not seeming to suffer so much with pain. Don't know how long that will last, but we'll take what we can get! Today I trimmed and filed Mom's nails. I told her she needed bright red nail polish! She laughed! She also laughed today when Kaden peek-a-booed her from behind the curtain.

The speech pathologist is going to be working with Mom on her eating, speech and memory. She is also undergoing physical and occupational therapy. In the past we felt like some of this was too much for Mom. We'll see.

Dad was not feeling the best this morning. His anxieties are starting to resurface. He is under so much stress and uncertainty. These are difficult times, and we feel like rougher times are ahead.

Nearing the end

Yesterday afternoon Mom was transported by ambulance from the York Hospital back to the Lutheran Home in Gettysburg. We all went to see her last night. She's so tired, so weak, so very worn out. When her supper came I fed her. She ate 1/4 cup of canned plums, half a tator tot, one small bite of chicken, one small bite of cake and drank about 5 ounces of sugar free tea. She then said, "No more!" She was done. She has no desire to eat, hardly the strength to chew anything.

I asked if she knew were she was and she told me the York Hospital. I told her she was in the Lutheran Home. She wanted to know if I had heard from Dad today. I told her her he had been in to see her and that he was coming back in later. When I told her Brenda had also been in she said, "Yes, I believe she was." Mom would doze off between sentences. Before leaving each of us told her we loved her and she said it back. She seemed tickled that the kids were giving her kisses. She smiled and said, "Ohh! I'm getting kisses!" We left just as my brother Mike was coming in. I felt good about how we left things. I'm so glad all of my children got to see their Nana one more time and could tell her they loved her and to hear it in return.

Mom's sister, Mary Lou, is visiting Mom this morning. Brenda just called and said Mom is running a temperature and they want to put her back in the hospital. As a family, we had decided not to do that. Instead she would stay at the home and receive "comfort care" until she passes. Apparently the home does not have record of Mom's DNR or our desire for comfort care. Brenda can't get a hold of Dad. I believe he went into Hanover. She is now trying to reach Mike who has power of attorney.

It won't be long before she leaves this Earthly life. I pray for a peaceful end to her pain and suffering.

A day in the ER

My day began yesterday at 5 am, getting Kassie up for Seminary. At 6:15 am the phone rang. It was my father. His first words were, "Mother isn't good." He had been up all night with her, and now he had to go to work. Mom was in more pain that usual, had to drink every 10 minutes, up moving from one chair to another, from one room to the next, lay down, stand up, sit down, etc. She was trying to find some relief from the excruciating pain in her lower back and hip. She was also delusional through the night, talking about loaves of bread. Dad didn't want to leave her home alone while he did his morning run with his job driving a school van for special needs children.

Dale offered to stay home to get the kids off to school before going to work. I changed out of my exercise clothes, grabbed Kaden and headed to Gettysburg. When I arrived Mom was in bed reaching for Dad to get her up. She had only been there a few minutes. Dad said, "This has been all night, up and down, up and down." I jokingly said to Mom, "Your nurse is here!" I don't recall her reply, only that her speech was slurred and I knew she wasn't good. Tears came as I told Dad, "I think she's had another stroke. We need to get her to the hospital!" Dad just had her there last evening because she was bleeding from her right ear. They cleaned her ear and sent her home!! Well, she needed to go back! They said she ruptured her ear drum. She recently had bronchitis and a sinus infection. Her condition was now worse. The pain was intense, she could barely walk, slurred speech. She has worse things going on than a busted ear drum!

Dad went to work. He would be back by 9:30 am, at which time we would take her to the ER. It took me the nearly two hours that he was gone to get her something to eat, have her take her meds, blood tested, insulin shot (she has diabetes), cleaned up, dressed and hair done. As I hooked my mother's bra, buttoned her dress and pulled up her knee high nylons I thought how the tables have turned. Forty couple years ago, she was the one dressing me. Now I was the one pulling up her panties, helping her into a slip and doing her hair.

There were times yesterday morning when I stood her up to walk and her legs just wouldn't go. We stood there for minutes waiting for her feet to receive the message from the brain that she wanted them to move! Basically, she couldn't walk. I called in the big muscle, my nephew Ridge, to come help move her around. If Dad was going to be still insistent on taking her to the ER himself, we would need Ridge to help get her there! When Dad got home, she was worse. There was no way we were getting her to the hospital ourselves. Brenda (my SIL) was at the house now too, and she and I convinced Dad to call 911.

We followed the ambulance to the hospital. For more than SEVEN HOURS Kaden and I stood by Mom's side in her little ER cubical. Dad was there a short time in the beginning, but had to finish his school van run. Brenda was with me the whole time with the exception of about an hour. She should graduate this May with a degree in nursing and was missing a day of clinicals to be with Mom. She had to go home to make phone calls in regards to that. Mom and I joked -- we spent all that time getting her dressed and hair done only to have them take it all off and remove the pins from her hair!

We spent the day adjusting Mom's pillows, shifting her back up in the bed -- using the sheets to pull her body back up after she would slide down, moving the bed to bring her head up and down, helping her to drink, etc. We were trying anything to bring comfort, to ease the pain. Mom has a seemingly endless list of medical problems, one of them being she is allergic to most pain medications. It took nearly seven hours for the hospital to be able to give her something for the pain, something that would at least take her pain level down from an 11 to a 10, (on a scale from 1 to 10!!) She had been given something soon after arrival, but it never phased her. Throughout the day she winced and clinched her fists due to the pain.

Also, after nearly seven hours and numerous tests we had a diagnosis -- Sepsis. Mom has a severe infection throughout her body, and her diabetes only makes matters worse. They will need to transfer her to Hershey Medical or York, problem is, neither has a bed for her! At 5:30 pm they moved her to critical care. She's there until a bed opens, probably at York Hospital. She was now in a decent bed, still in pain, but much more comfortable, able to rest. By 6 pm, many of us were there with her -- Dad, Mike, Dave, Brenda, Brooke, Tim, Dale, myself and Kaden.

Dale, Kaden and I left just after 7 pm. I hadn't eaten in more than 30 hours. (Never had supper the night before due to time restraints and anxiety over a Wednesday night church program that I was in charge of.) On the way home I became aware of my headache and hunger. After being gone all day, you can imagine the mess I arrived home to! The older six kids had been on their own since arriving home from school. Now there was homework to finish, laundry to do and a house to clean. I did the bare minimum. It's now after 3 am. I was in bed by 10 pm, up at 1:15 am -- I can't sleep, but I hope Mom is. Kassie needs woken up at 5 am, and a new day will begin. Not sure what I'll do today. I'm sure I can't have Kaden with me in critical care like I did in the ER. Maybe I'll try to catch a few Z's. Please pray for my mother -- Barbara Wagner.